Depression and Overthinking my past

I remember sitting in the bleachers at my favorite park staring off. I wasn’t even staring at anything because the only thing in front of me was just an open field of grass. But I would sit there for hours and hours daydreaming. Daydreaming of all the places I longed to see and explore. Daydreaming that I was worth something to someone. I would picture a fantasy of meeting someone who loved me.

Have you guys ever felt that way?

However, reality would sink in, and I would get stuck thinking about my past and all the relationships I lost. All the people that gave up on me and left because I was difficult. How could a girl like me ever become someone when people just walk out of my left so easily. I felt so alone and helpless. I thought I was undeserving of happiness and love. But I kept going back to the park and just sitting on the bleachers, thinking…. and thinking…. Soon the park became a place filled with reminders of the relationships I had lost and the things I failed at.

I would stay stuck in the memories, playing them over and over in my head. (not like girls are known for overthinking or anything). I would stay there anyways just reliving my hurts. I think I did this because I felt that I had nothing to look forward too. I knew that life was bigger than the city I lived in, but I didn’t think I would ever get to leave. I knew life was bigger than that one failed relationship, but I couldn’t let go.

Years past by and I was still in the same situation. Six years later and I would still go to that park. Thinking…. Thinking…. and reliving my past…

It’s easy to stay stuck in the past, we already know the outcome. It’s harder to move on in a world filled with uncertainty, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. It’s important to take chances and step out of your comfort zone. If we stay stuck in the past we can miss out on so many opportunities. When the opportunity for me to move away to go to school came, I took it.

I packed my belongings and moved away to a city I had never been too. My life changed from being stuck to having endless opportunities.

Opportunities that were actually within my reach!!! So, I grabbed a hold of one and moved to Europe for 4 months! Where I traveled and explored 9 other countries and was able to make a video.

I can’t believe I made it, I don’t even know how I did. To be honest, I still wait for the day I will wake up from this dream.

One thought on “Depression and Overthinking my past

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