So, it’s time to share something that I wrote that is very personal. It is very explicit and dark. It references to self-harm, which I struggled with for many years. But I find in these moments my writing is taken to a new level. A deeper level with many metaphors intwined to remind me that life isn’t always black or white.
Empty, hallow, and used.
I just need to feel that blade against my skin. That’s the secret hidden within. I see the blood drip from my skin and roll to the floor. SPLASH.
All I feel as it drips is a sense of peace within. The release of pain drips away and dissipates. I can’t live this way, I know…. But what is there to change for? I’m destruction looking to be loved, but I got cursed with this hole……. And that’s all that he sees.
Not someone to love, not a home, but a hole that’s incapable of love. A hole that brings down a happy home….
Let this pain bleed out of me. Let my spirit not awake, because I was foolish to think I was anything other than your mistake. Another heartbreak, but it’s not the same. These past years are gone and we are still in the same place.
How can you not see the secret that lies beneath my skin? Open me up, dissect me. See if everything is perfect deep within All the lies and destruction you suspect. I accept because my love you reject. My heart and soul you neglect and the same routine you expect. If I open up you will run…
To be loved is my greatest wish, a wish you didn’t want to accept. You never wanted that future, can I blame you? Hell, I want to kill this girl too.
As I read what I wrote, I don’t recognize this girl. It feels as if I am reading a strangers poetry. It doesn’t sound like me. But the truth is I’m a different person when I am in my emotions. (Not literally, I don’t have a split personality). I feel things strongly and I drown in my emotions. But I hear the hurt within the words and I see a girl who is desperate to be loved. But no matter how lost I get, I always find my way back home. I just got to be patient with my self through the storm.